And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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