So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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