I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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