i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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