I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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