girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize