You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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