Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize