i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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