Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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