I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
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michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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