apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
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A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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