Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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