i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize