I just cut my nipple shaving
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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