remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
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the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sober January is a disaster.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
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I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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