Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize