i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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