the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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