When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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