There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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