I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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