i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize