Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize