Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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