Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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