I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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