Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
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Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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