he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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