I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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