Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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