Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize