i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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