So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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