Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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