You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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