So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize