She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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