dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
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all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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