Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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