There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize