i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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