I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize