I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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