you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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