I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize