Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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