Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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