I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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