i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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